I want to be a good stepmother: “Parents are forgiven but not stepparents”

I once heard that some animals cannot care for the offspring of other females and especially in the case of offspring that their mates have with another female. Some animals are even mean to these offspring. We are quick to judge and find this behavior awful.

Could it be that it is not natural for us women to care about our spouse’s offspring that he or she has with another woman? We women are in care work and take care of other women’s children. It seems to be one game for us. Why is the stepmother role so difficult?

The letter from the father

The other day I read a letter from a father who felt that the woman’s children were more important than his daughter. I identified with this both in a way that I understood him well and I am sure that my husband sometimes feels this way but at the same time I thought about her, maybe the poor wife feels like he considers his daughter more important than her children? I saw people posting this article on Facebook and talking about his wife’s miserable behavior where she hung pictures and projects by her children but not his, on the wall, lent his daughter’s room, allowed her children to rummage in her stuff and seemed to shame his daughter more than her own children. ‘

Has this father examined his mind and asked himself how he is treating his wife’s children? Could it be that he shames them more than his own? Could it be that they irritate him more than his daughter? Why should his daughter have a special contract for things and stuff in her room? Aren’t siblings often rooting for toys with older siblings? I know my youngest child does, and why should the stuff in the step-sister’s room be holier than the siblings’ stuff? I often lend my stepchildren some stuff, but I feel like it’s never natural for them to lend in return.

Divorced the woman

When I read this article, I felt sorry for the woman because I understood her so well. Perhaps above all, the woman wants to be a good stepmother. Maybe she wants to do this role well but finds it so difficult. Maybe she wants to post pictures of his daughter, but the girl just never brings anything home. Maybe she shames her children just as much as his daughter, but the father and daughter are just so sensitive to her insults.

My experience is that you have to perform three times better as a stepmother than a mother, because parents are forgiven and not stepparents. A stepchild does not tolerate being shamed by a stepparent and it is also difficult for a stepparent to be ashamed, because you know that the child is so overly sensitive to it. Why is it like this and why does the stepparent role prove so difficult? Why is this so complicated? Maybe if we can better understand stepparents and stepchildren, then we can fulfill this role and stop having expectations that everything will go as in history and stop being so judgmental. It is not without reason that the story of the “evil stepmother” came into being.

I am also a stepdaughter and have a stepfather

My stepfather is the best man. Sweet to everyone and wants to do everything for everyone. However, I remember the time when my mother and he were just starting out, I could not stand him. In fact, I left home because of him. I could not live under the same roof as this man. If I think back, he still did nothing wrong. I was just so sensitive when he put out something with me or tried to raise me in some way. I could not stand how he wanted things to be, because our customs and traditions should have more right to him. He was not even allowed to bring his own furniture into our apartment because I thought it was so ugly. I was very negative about him and did not give him a chance to become a good stepfather at that time. I seldom smiled at him and only greeted my mother when I got home.

Now I have become a stepmother myself and my husband is a stepfather

I have tried from day one to do this well and long to have a good relationship with my stepchildren. I put up pictures of his children, I have things they have made and given to us and I set my sights on making their room nice when we started living together. I organized trips for the whole family and enjoyed having so many children at once. But over the years, the relationship has become such that I am not happy with myself in this role. I do not feel well and I hardly sleep because of anxiety and breakdown.

I do not know how it started. But I was very positive in the beginning of the relationship. My husband was newly divorced at the time and maybe his children were going through a difficult time because when he brought them to our house they were usually whining or screaming. He screamed and my children were half scared. This must have been a pattern in their home. There were always quarrels and the children could not communicate normally. The discomfort was great. This caused me to burn for Dad’s weekends.
I really do not find it strange that his children did not completely embrace me in the beginning. I was with their dad, but they wanted Mom and Dad to get back together. This desire is still present in them many years later. I have always worked with children and thought to myself that I would now be quick to win their favor as I had always had a way of chatting with children. Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like we’re having a good time. We went on many trips, abroad and to a holiday home. This was not always the case and I got into a kind of vicious circle and discomfort.

Always be insecure

So when his children came whining and screaming to our house, did not even greet me and looked at me with cold eyes, I became hurt and insecure towards them. Which, of course, made the video an overnight sensation. I did not mean it, I just had such a hard time being myself, cheerful and happy with them because I was so sure they could not stand me. If I put them out with my husband, he all went on the defensive and reacted badly. He would never have done this if we had the children together, then we could have discussed matters as parents do. If I told his children about contact or anything else, they took it very badly and became colder towards me. I was therefore very quick to decide never to scold those who also made our communication a little weird and stiff. When they had to talk to their dad, they usually called him and would not let me hear. It became like two teams. Me and my children and him and his children. I do not want to have it like this. I want to be a good stepmother. There have been many days and many waking nights where I think about this. I feel really bad about this

Different appearance of the stepfather

Speaking of the father who wrote the letter, I think of my husband who lives with me and my children. I can not stand how he talks to my children. I always find him so sharp with them and throw something at them while he kisses and hugs his own children. In his children’s room are furniture and objects that some belonged to my children. This has always been the case with me, as we have not always had a lot of money. For example, I have never bought a bed for my children, they have always received it as a gift from a relative because the person in question is getting rid of something. When my daughter had a birthday, she decided to buy new furniture for her room for her birthday money, as well as a bank account. His children cried over this, what would be cool in her room but not theirs. They got various things from my children in their room and everyone was satisfied, but if they got something new that they had themselves, no one was allowed to touch that thing. These became sacred things, but my husband’s children could receive things from my children as if they were nothing.

Why is it like this? Why do some people have such a hard time with the role of stepparent? Why is it sometimes so hard to be someone’s stepchild? Is it insecurity? Is it because these children belong to the ex-wife that is even a threat to the marriage? Is it because the children do not tolerate the parents getting a new spouse? Maybe our own children are always the most important thing in the eyes of parents?

A stump that wants to do well

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